Chapter 5 - Same Difference

Before the doorbell rang, both Robin and Vardarajan were sleeping amongst the ruins of the last night’s feast. Neither wanted to go and fetch whosoever wanted to screw their slumber at 11 AM on Saturday morning. Finally Robin rallied around his strength and scratching his crown jewels, walked up to the door.

His good morning which smelt of mix of vodka, stale murukku, under cooked chicken and flat cola was a world away from Ira’s early Saturday morning freshness. She somehow held her breath and walked into the ransacked habitat. Topography was akin to a minefield because ahead laid strewn packets of chips well past their shelf dates, half filled glasses that were not gulped, newspapers that were used to pass around the snacks and Smirnoff bottles at odd angles with furniture of the house.

Ira – So what was this about?

Robin – Well, Vardarajan’s cousin just landed a job. Poor guy doesn’t have a place to get his friends over, so we provided boarding and lodging.

Ira – Looks like you took a major cut from their booze and food.

Robin – No actually that too was sponsored by us, this guy did not have much cash on him. Let me just clean this thing up, should not take long. And will have a quick bath. You have tickets right.

Ira – Yep, I had booked it yesterday itself. We will collect it at the kiosk. Vardarajan, you can also join us, am sure some tickets will be available at the theatre.

Vardarajan – Which movie are you guys going?

Ira – Tere Bin Laden.

Vardarajan let out an iffy hmm and made a face that profusely hinted at his displeasure.

Ira – Well come over yaar, it sounds like a decent movie. Satire on South Asians and has comical references to Sheikh Osama.

Robin – I thought it was about Pakistanis. Some guy who wants to go to US at any cost.

Ira – Yeah, but isn’t that common to all South Asians.

Vardarajan – Yes, yes we are alike per you, cousins right – flesh and blood.

Wink in his eyes conveyed sarcasm to Ira.

Robin – Yeah, we are so alike man. We are so close that we are charting our destinies in exactly identical manner. In fact let me give you an example of our oneness.

Ira knew what was coming.

Robin – India has its IT people and Pakistan has its terror industry. They have similar recruitment plans – Catch them young. Charity organizations in Pak use poverty to their advantage and snoop helpless youth and brainwash them by promising heaven for martyrs. IT firms in India will throng to remote corners of this country and recruit or rather enlist poor final year students who are no hopers by showing them slideshows on golf course like campuses which could pass off as heavens on earth.

Vardarajan too got into the act.

Vardarajan – Yeah man, even their focus is same – US. These lashkars target Amreeka and so do we. Despite our best ability to diversify the risk, we continue to target US markets.

Robin – Well it doesn’t stop at that, we also share common behavioral traits – “learnability” and flexibility. A mujahid from Soviet era can easily be transformed into anti Northern alliance soldier and then into a guerilla fighting in Kashmir, before he can be sent back to Kunar to fight the Americans. We are not too different either. Mainframe slobs became new age internet gurus when dotcom came, then became Java evangelists when it crashed, only to be resurrected as cloud computing popes of the day.

Ira – You guys are incorrigible. And Robin, we are getting late.

Robin – Hey cmon, don’t spoil this train of thought. I have more. Lets look at value chain aspect. Paki terrorists have come a long way. From engaging Soviets by firing Milan anti tank guns and Stingers at Mi Choppers, they first metamorphosed into an army with fancy titles as Area Commanders in Kashmir and then did what even Special Operations group of Pak army has failed – launch an offensive in Indian commercial capital on 26/11. Indian IT too has come a long way. In 80s we wrote /*comments*/ to the code written by whites in 60s and 70s. Then they trusted us enough to test their applications. We even started coded them. These days, I also hear that our half literate business analysts are even writing requirements for them. Ofcourse high death rate and low birth rates amongst Caucasians has helped us in this regard.

Vardarajan – How about multiculturalism? Today we hear reports of Arabs, Chechens, Uzbeks, Africans and even German jihadis roaming in those badlands. Paki terror industry has reached out to the world and is attracting talent at will. Similarly we too have people from different countries in our companies.

Robin – Good point, but you know I think we are little behind the curve. These people from other countries are often NRIs. Remember Kal Patel in our previous project?

Ira – Guys, I am just disgusted. And Robin are we going for the movie or not?

Robin – Okay okay, just give me 5 mins for bath.

With Robin about to leave for movie, Vardarajan looked the ruins around him and did not like the idea of cleaning it by himself. May be after the breakfast or lunch, he thought.

Vardarajan – Hey guys wait for me, I am also coming with you. Not for the movie, will walk with you guys till the market. Need to fix some breakfast.

Ira – Why don’t you come and join us? You can have some food at the mall itself.

Vardrajan – Nahin yaar. You guys go ahead and have a great time at “Tere Bin Laden”

Robin – or Hamare Bin Laden?

Both chuckled as Ira’s face went red again.